I stumbled across this article earlier:
Pretty much a rehash of the ever-joyous baby v bus debate that pops up to annoy Lothian Buses annually.
However, it really, really upsets me that this is all about mums with buggies. I won't deny that when I do take the bus, the majority of those getting on with babies are women, but this has sparked an interesting chain of thought: can men push buggies? Are men so pumped up with testosterone that their masculinity makes them baulk at the very sight of those toothless wonders? Indeed, does the penis actually prevent one from pushing a buggy?
And then I remember that, actually, I frequently see men with babies on buses. Heaven forfend, even men with babies in buggies on buses.
It calls to mind the endless scenarios I've seen of parents telling off their little boys: "stop pushing that buggy; you're not a girl!" It saddens me that girls are socialized from a young age to care for children, whilst boys are warned off it - and for what purpose? For the preposterous notion that doing 'girly' things makes them gay? Do we want to see our sons as bad fathers?!
The perpetuation of male breadwinner/female caregiver stereotypes exemplify the everyday fights that we all need to partake in. This may seem like a 'small' issue in a supposedly equal society, but it is in the small things that we find the roots of inequality.
it is the small things - and they are eeverywhere. Small bricks built together make big walls.
ReplyDeleteHeard recently of a Salvation Army fellowship band that does not welcome women players. We are in 2011?
Hiya, loving your work as usual! Just thought I'd add a couple of things that I've noticed since becoming a pram pusher myself - firstly, it is quite unbelievable how many men actually don't seem to get very involved with their kids. I can't tell you how many dads I've seen sitting on a bench talking on their mobile while the mum pushes the child on a swing etc. and, in fact, my husband told me just the other day of someone at his work who bought a pink pram for her baby but was told by her husband to swap it for a different colour because if he was going to push a pram at all it was certainly not going to be pink. It drives me (and my hubby who, luckily, is a very very hands on dad - I do know how lucky I am!) absolutely crazy. If the new age dad really does exist, I certainly ain't seen it (well, rarely, anyway). But mobile phones are life, right (best not to get me started on that!)?
ReplyDeleteSecondly, before I had a small child I thought that girls playing with dolls and pushing buggies and boys playing with cars etc was just something that we forced upon them, but I've been quite surprised to see that children really do seem to choose these things for themselves when they are too young to know the social stereotypes. Boys really do seem to like things with wheels and things that dig stuff, while girls really do seem to like caring for dolls and cuddly toys (I've yet to meet a little boy who has any interest at all in cuddly toys!). That said, my daughter loves Bob the Builder and trains more than anything in the world, and she does have a very good male friend who loves dolls (I do have to admit that, although his parents did buy him a doll, it wasn't until they found a more masculine pirate doll that they actually did so - when is this going to stop, eh?). But she still loves to tuck her cuddly toys up in bed and he still loves diggers. It's hard to know how much they really have been influenced by seeing the gender segregation around them and adults buying them 'gender appropriate' toys and clothes, but perhaps there is a part of it that is just human nature? I don't know. Or maybe it just gets used as a very poor excuse. Rubbish about the buses not letting anyone on buses with babies in prams, whether they're female or male, though.
Alison, that is appalling. Surely that isn’t allowed?! Is this in the UK?
ReplyDeleteAnna – very interesting points. Have you heard of the gender-neutral nursery in Sweden? There’s a wee story on the BBC website here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14038419 and on the Guardian site here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/jul/10/gender-differences-exhaustion-eva-wiseman?INTCMP=SRCH. I don’t believe that the issue is nature v culture, as separating these two is not only impossible but not particularly helpful.
In my experience of working with children, little girls and boys will tend to play parent as their first forays into imaginary play; if purely because that is what they see every day. However, maybe we don’t even realise how much we adhere to social norms? I’ve definitely seen 2 year old boys being told off for playing with dollies, even if it is in subtle ways – “don’t you want to play with the cars?” and the imagery that we place around our children (I’ve never come across a top marketed towards young girls with digger motifs for example, and in boys’ clothing even supposedly gender-neutral images like teddies will tend to be portrayed doing ‘masculine’ things like playing sports). Also, try as parents might to allow their child’s own personality to dictate their interests there is a wider social network at play which perpetuates the very myths that we may try to end. This blog post is very interesting - http://nerdyapplebottom.com/2010/11/02/my-son-is-gay/ - in that it picks up on the tiny things that kids absorb so easily, like that look when a kid is transgressing the social norms.
It’s interesting, because when I used to take B to the park on Tuesday mornings there was a regular ‘crew’, which included 2 male caregivers and 1 other female caregiver, so we were split 50/50. Yet it is also true that the majority of childcare responsibilities fall to women. I would struggle to restrain myself from the guy who was debating whether he would push his child in his/her buggy at all! Utterly ridiculous. But then if we have this abiding notion of ‘mums clubs’ (which scare the living daylights out of me in the first place!) like those protesting the bus company, then it is perhaps unsurprising that the majority of men leave it up to their partners to go look after the kiddlywinks.
G.