Funding Saga Part II: The Troll Shows Who is Boss

Yeah, the troll won. There was a tiny moment where I had him confused, a bit like when Ron sticks his wand up the troll's nostril in Harry Potter, but I was defeated. Well, given a bit of bruising.

The 5 grand fees of Edinburgh require one to dig a hole of debt so deep that my thesis would be burned up in the heat of the Earth's core, so that was out. Then came a last minute 'what-the-heck' application to Cardiff Uni for their course looking at Islam in Contemporary Britain. Although it was a little outside what I had anticipated, the content of the course looked relevant (a dirty word to some academics) and purposeful. A short while later, one ridiculously nice e-mail from a lecturer there and the quickest scholarship application you ever did see, I was shortlisted and had an interview in Cardiff. A day-trip ensued (never, ever, EVER take a day-trip to Wales folkies. Just don't. Make it a proper holiday) which entailed four hours in the city, including the time set aside for interview and I left sure that I had been unsuccessful.

I was right.

However, the feedback from the scholarship committee was so positive and constructive that I feel the 5am start wasn't wasted. Yes it means I can't study this year and that makes me sad. Really, really sad. But I am only 21 after all, and I haven't experienced life outwith full-time education since I was 4 so this opportunity could be rather formative. I will work away at my job (which I am *loving*), take the advice of the committee and get some practical voluntary experience with the Muslim community under my belt (something I'm really excited about!) and, best of all, I will study in my own time. This way I can mature my ideas in the direction I want to take them, and see where that all ends up for funding applications early next year!

On the topic of my self-study, I had a bit of an epiphany this week when I was in the NLS. It was one of those moments where I get so excited that it actually requires a concerted effort to not squee very loudly at the fact that what this person is saying is so true, is something I've often thought and fits into my work perfectly! Yay!

What do you do when you meet a Troll?

I've always thought of myself as a pretty straightforward kinda gal. Decisions come along, tap me on the shoulder and I consider all options before making my choice. Alas, it would seem that this quality has deserted me when most required.

About a year and a half ago, I had a niggle. Just under the surface something was brewing that would blow my plans out of the water. Instead of the sensible route of teaching, which suited me so well, I wanted MORE. Yup, I got a bit greedy and wanted to learn more, to teach at a higher lever; in short, I wanted to do a postgrad.

Dun dun DUN!

After months of suppressing these desires, I began to make progress in making my dream happen. I researched options, funding issues and consulted with staff. Applications happened. Offers were made. It was all going swimmingly and I'd made it to the bridge to postgrad land. Alas, under that bridge lived the Funding Troll(tm). Funding Troll(tm) is grumpy, greedy and (in my head anyway) green monster lurking to suck the momentum out of potential postgrads. For both courses I had one main source of funding, which would cover fees and living costs. Time ticked by and I found that I didn't receive either of these, so I was left with a rather unpalatable decision - continue with my plans and self fund through loans (aka selling one's soul to the bank) or find a job (which in the current climate is basically selling one's soul to a private corporation).

So I considered.

I thought.

I debated.

I asked for advice.

And what was I left with? A decision as hard as it was in the first place.

I am currently leaning towards the debt option, but that all lies in the hands of the bank advisor I'm off to see on Wednesday.

(EEK!)